Becky Durnin, her husband Peter and daughters Trinity and Saoirse
Local woman Becky Durnin has opened up about her battle with postnatal depression.
The mother of two, formerly Becky Mulligan before her marriage, spoke to The Irish Independent about how the condition affected her following the birth of her second child Saoirse 15 months ago.
Becky, who is married to Peter Durnin and has another three year old daughter called Trinity with him, is a gentlebirth instruction with Dundalk-based company Juno and the Midwife.
She told The Independent that while she felt great after the birth of her second daughter, it wasn’t until months later that the symptoms of PND became apparent.
“I felt amazing after Saoirse was born, apart from the usual baby blues with the hormonal dip, but nothing concerning. The low didn’t hit until about four months later and it really took me by surprise. I didn’t think postnatal depression could happen to me. When it did, it absolutely floored me.
“I had everything I wanted and planned for but felt so hopeless, tearful and drowning in a deep sea of sadness, at first I put it down to the regular adjustment from one to two babies. I’d heard it was tough work so assumed I just wasn’t coping well.
“My husband was the one who planted the seed that this might be something much bigger than me. He suggested we speak to a professional after I began crying in the mornings at the thoughts of him going to work.
“I’m a GentleBirth Instructor, I teach Mindfulness, CBT and Positive Self-Talk for a living.
“This behaviour was worlds apart from who I am. I felt as though staying at home during the day was unbearable but getting out of the house was impossible.
“Everything was much more difficult and I seemed to be carrying a dead weight that exceeded my strength when trying to complete the simplest tasks.
“When my toddler came to me with tissues, as I sat in a ball on the floor once again, for the fifth time that day, with the intention to dry my tears, at the innocent age of 2 1/2, I realised I really needed help.
“I went to my local GP and told her the hopelessness I was feeling, that I just didn’t have the want or desire to get through another day.
“I didn’t want to commit suicide, even that seemed like too much effort and when the thoughts came – which they did – I wondered what was the point of trying as I probably couldn’t even do that right.
“She gave me a tissue, proscribed me Prozac and Xanax and told me to come back in a month. But I’m quite a pro-active person and very much a geek when it comes to evidence-based practices.
“I knew that medication could help but I wanted to be sure I was doing everything possible to help myself. I started to work out six days a week for one hour at a time with my brother at Fighting Fit, Dundalk.
“Endorphins really helped the darkest days. I changed my diet to cut out as much refined sugar as possible to prevent sugar crashes and upped my Mindfulness sessions. I started writing positive affirmations again and practising positive self-talk. Some days the only positive thing I had to say about myself to myself was that I got dressed today and I am loved.
“About a month after I began medication I started counselling with a fabulous counsellor from Nurture called Linda Reynolds.
“She reminded me of all of the tools I teach my GentleBirth clients and it was very easy to incorporate those into my life.
“The Xanax was horrendous. I felt spacey, out of control and very silly. It scared me more than the depression and so I chose not to take it again. The Prozac helped.
“The thick dark fog lifted to a light grey cloud within a few weeks. Was it the drugs? Was it everything else? I don’t know, I reckon it was a decent balance of everything but breathing became easy again, my feet didn’t feel so heavy on the floor, the tears stopped streaming so easily and I began to enjoy being alive again.
“About four months after I started taking the medication I felt safe again. I wasn’t afraid to be alone.
“I had a rock solid support network, my husband, my mother-in-law, my family, my beautiful friends Heather and Melissa, and a very precious secret group on Facebook with women who were going through the same thing, supporting one another and journeying together. I decided to slowly wean off the meds with the willingness to begin again if I needed to.
“It’s been seven months since I took any medications for depression. I practise Mindfulness every day, I still write my positive affirmations every Sunday but I’ve slacked a little on the exercise.
“Depression is an illness, it can happen to anyone. Most people can and do recover with the right support, unconditional love and encouragement.”
You can read the full article here.